Warning, I’m human and it’s okay

I still get my feelings hurt.
I still hold grudges.
I still get mad.
I still get sad.
I still get stuck.
I am still human.

This are fleeting moments that pass when I remember I don’t have to do it like that anymore.  Thoughts and emotions don’t have to run my life or me.  I would get tripped up in these things for hours, days, weeks, and months.  Poof.  I recenter and recreate my future instantly.  It molds to my consciousness.  Higher, wiser, lover, freer, meer.  (Made up words to shake things up.)

I notice lots happening right now around me.  I’m aware of the old falling away and newness replacing it.  Uncertainty can be uncomfortable.  The soul growing pains are real. Especially when you are sensitive.  Wherever your triggers are is an opening to let Light in, being broken open like a seed breaking through it’s casing to reveal a flower.  It would scare the shit out of the seed.  And no worries if every time you thought you were a butterfly, you realized you were busting out of a new cocoon.  Being human is a wild ride.

As I look above at my itchy, stick shadow parts of me that I owned, I soften.  I fill myself with love for all my hurt parts that linger within, all my fears and doubts I can’t shake.  Does this mean I’m not a rockstar?  Hell no!  I’m a brave, brilliant, beautiful, badass!  I have learned I can forgive without a sorry.  I can love without it being return or for no reason.  I have endless choices to make in each second.  When I’m present, it’s crystal clear clarity Living your truth is the ultimate freedom.  It’s when true Divine grace lives within you, no matter what the outside look like or judgements are projected.  You’re okay, even if things seem like they are falling apart.  You’re good.  Trust that, peach.  I’m right there with ya.

All the good stuff,
Jenny

What kind of friend are you?

I have changed as a friend. Years ago, I could be a drain. I also loved when I could fix my friends. It was codependency behavior. I liked to be the giver. I liked to be owed. I liked to get credit for being a “nice” person. I would also join your bitchfest and get on your team, the bandwagon against whoever you disliked at the time, and then I’d wonder later why I did my chameleon thing again. The people pleaser, “like me” version of me wasn’t evil or anything, but very lost at times. I wasn’t trying to be mean. I was just needy. I wanted to be nice all the time, amidst the chaos brewing within my mind. I had rage, anger, and self-hate raging within over the littlest things, making it hard to be me. I needed things outside of myself for happiness. I needed to feel a sense of control, because inside I felt out of control and that life was harsh. I tried to force friends. If people pushed me away, I’d pull harder. If someone was cold towards me or I didn’t win them over, I’d chase them or hate them. . .secretly, of course. And if you were my friend, you couldn’t be friends with them, and if you were I’d feel betrayed. How dare someone not like me! My issues with myself showed up in my relationships obviously. You had to agree with me or I took your differing opinion as making me wrong. I had friends in million dollar homes and was embarrassed if they’d come to my house. What will they think was always my mantra playing like a bad jingle on the radio. I needed you, as my friend, to think everything in my world was good and this was also about how you saw my kids. This is what unhappiness looked like, but you couldn’t see it because I put on a show. I was also afraid friends would leave and walked on eggshells in my mind. I gave them a role I played, not a person.

When I made a new life for myself, as I reinvented-remembered-created-discovered who I was, some friendships fell away and it hurt. We were not on the same vibe anymore. I was sick of talking about the weather. I wanted to talk big dreams and love and life and joy and God. Some people I realized didn’t really want to know me. At first, I had to vilify them and make them bad. My spirit guidance through my intuition told me to send them love and wish them well. It wasn’t personal. To trust it was for my highest good. Those friends that were no longer in the picture were not part of the next chapter. I was too much or not enough for them. I see looking back now to the past three+ years that I wouldn’t be where I’m at if I kept myself small and played the role of the housewife. This fabulous creature you see now had to be let out of her self-imposed cage. In the lonely times where I felt like an outsider, misfit, and outcast led me to become BFF’s with God. That inner dork within morphed like a butterfly into the goddess-love-rebel-badass who sparkled. I saw my friends I still had through different eyes and without any competition. Not gonna lie, it still felt weird or awkward when a friend unfriended me on Facebook. It all helped me grow though. Beauty is, I attracted and continue to find the most amazing soul sisters in the world. I don’t need them, but I love them. They are the sprinkles (jimmies) on my ice cream cone. They rock. I’m blessed to have one best friend since 1990 and the other since 1996. Along with my sister, they’ve loved all the versions of me. They know I’m the one to call if you need a hug, some cheering on, advice from a spiritual perspective, or a wisdom-filled pep talk.

Now, I stand in my own truth with you and know all the jizz-jazz-razz-matazz from the past was me looking for self-love. I had to work on that and then I became a true friend, no strings attached with no agenda or scorecard. I don’t being drama to the table, I bring fun. I won’t play victim, even if I’m working on something. I know that I am of the greatest assistance to my friends, when I share my truth and honor theirs. I consider these connections as sacred and I cherish them. I had to become a good friend to myself and then I could be a great friend to others.

Weight love

This whole loss stuff can drive you bonkers with the right way to do it. Maybe it’s a hamster wheel you’ve been on forever. I’ve been there. I don’t do fad diets. I have. I did the low carb and lost my weight. . .and my sense of humor and mind for a little while. It can be a delicate balance. What I can say for sure is too much sugar is no bueno. It won’t make you feel good. Be choosey about your food, not out of restriction or making it “bad,” but rather out of love for yourself. This sometimes feels like a salad, while other times will feel like a piece of chocolate. I’m a vibe snob and a chocolate snob too. I don’t just want any chocolate. I love to find organic, pure, rich ones made with good ingredients. This makes me feel good and it’s a win-win. No guilty hangover afterwards. If I do have traditional candy from the store, I will feel sugar overload. When I was overweight I was eating a container of Coffee Heath Bar Crunch in one siting after dinner. I was having panic attacks too, which I think relate to sugar, caffeine, among some energy type things. Your taste can really change. I don’t do artificial sweeteners, but I love stevia and monk fruit from Sugar in the Raw. I am all about quality versus quantity in many aspects of life. It is so cliché to say, but it’s really about making it your lifestyle. It’s a love lifestyle. We’ll call it weight love from now on.

I advocate self-love above all. I promote loving yourself exactly how you are. How does this exist if I am doing the Beach body coaching and giving advice on losing weight. People constantly ask me for it. They want to know how to lose weight from someone who used to weight sixty more pounds than they do now and did it without surgery. This is an opportunity for me to cheer them on and guide them to wellness. I want everyone to love themselves and feel good on every level. I drink Shakeology and think protein shakes are great for me because I want something fast and nutritious. As a vegetarian, I want to have protein at each meal still. It is not about skipping a meal. It is a meal for me. I’ll add fruit or peanut butter to it sometimes. I love all the vitamins and superfoods in it. I do T25 and 21-Fix Workouts because they are short and action packed. I can’t spend hours in a gym and it’s a waste for me to pay for a gym if I wasn’t going there everyday. I don’t do thin, I do fit. I’m here to assist those who want to get fit. Fit has a fierce energy, doesn’t it. I want others to feel the empowerment that comes along with finishing a workout, feeling their body firm up and slim down, and getting more endurance and stamina. This can be so fun! I don’t do no pain, no gain. I do let’s do this! Let’s rock this! You got this!

This stuff works and I have tons of experience in losing weight in the healthy and unhealthy way. I’ll be sharing tips, advice, and being the cheerleader in a Facebook group I am creating for those who sign up for Beach Body through me. I’m not for gimmicks. I’m sharing what I’m doing. Do what’s best for you. But if you want to come play with me and do this weight love thing, here’s the way.

If you want to sign up as a customer or a coach under me: http://www.teambeachbody.com/jennygperry

Go Bananas for Coco-nut!

1 c. oat flour
2 c. cacao/cocoa powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1 c. unsweetened shredded coconut
1 tsp. baking powder
1/3 coconut oil
1 c. Monk fruit (you could use stevia)
1/2 tsp. salt
1 1/3 c. almond/coconut milk
1/3 c. chia seeds
I banana
2 tsp. vanilla

.

Put chia seeds in a container with milk and let it sit for 10 minutes. Cream banana and coconut oil together. Add vanilla and coconut. Mix flour, cocoa powder, monk fruit, baking soda. Combine the dry ingredients into the bowl with banana and coconut oil and mix. Add 1/2 chia milk mixture and mix. Add the rest and mix. Bake in a 8×8 container for 30 minutes on 350 degrees.