Pink lipstick that makes me feel like Barbie

Which do you like best?
Which do you like best?

I’ve been having a great summer so far and have slacked on blogging and some of the business promoting stuff…like marketing and spinning my wheels constantly. It isn’t really slacking. I have five kids. It was more like a mini-vacation. It was a crazy Winter-into-Spring-into-Summer. My whole goal was to raise my vibration. Life is really about the moments on your journey. So let’s have some fun! You know I love make-up. I was raiding my mom’s Estée Lauder make-up kits from back in the 80’s. I’ve had a love affair with lipstick since then…especially various shades of pink. I wanted to share my drugstore haul from today.

People always ask my about my lipsticks, so here’s the deets. All three are Maybelline COLORblur by LIPSTUDIO, cream matte pencil & smudger.

On the left:10 Fast & Fuchsia
In the middle: 05 Pink Insanity
On the right: 15 Berry Misbehaved

Fast & Fuchsia is so fierce. It would look good on anyone as perfect, classic pink. Pink Insanity truly reminds me of Barbie. In real life, it’s bright, light, and almost neon. It’s a wild color that isn’t for everyone. Berry Misbehaved borders on red. I love sexy pinks like this which MAC and NARS are known for, especially how well they do mattes. It stays put. They have a neutral smell and taste. Since they are a pencil, there is no feathering and bleeding at the lip line. I will definitely play with gloss over these too if I’m going out on the town.

I’d love to hear which one is your favorite. More pics to come from the beach. Hope you are enjoying your summer, loves. Now it’s time for a pink Cosmo. 😉

What are you working on?

Tell me. For me, I’m always learning and challenging myself.

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When resistance comes up, you don’t have to stop. I wholeheartedly believe in the motto: “Trust the process.” Tell me, declare it, what are you really willing to admit that is challenging you? Not what’s keeping you down. That would be a victim. A powerful force of nature knows the winds eventually calm and that for a seed to let the bloom burst forth, it’s not subtle. It’s intense. Stillness is a beautiful thing, but not a permanent state of being. Yes, stay centered within. Life will churn up stuff, whether you are like me or not, challenging yourself to be more. Releasing what isn’t you reveals what is. What limiting beliefs have fooled you into thinking you were something or you were not? What limiting beliefs do you have? What beliefs serve you?

What anger can teach

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I bless that mother and son. I bless me as a mom with three sons and two daughters. I bless all parents, children, and families. I bless the reactor within the mother, myself, and the reactor in us all. I bless the anger in the mother, myself, and the world.

There was angry woman who was holding her child over her shoulder while running into the bathroom as we were being seated for dinner on vacation. Hey, that could have been me if maybe the wind blew in a slightly different direction that night. She gave him a whack. All my sensors reacted and I bolted into the bathroom. (Baby on my hips, not the smartest choice but the Philly came out in me.) I just needed, on a primal level to make sure the boy was okay. Not really my business, I know, mind my beeswax. But my mind was not in this, my bones were.

When I went into the bathroom, another mother was staring at her and angry mom didn’t notice either of us. I’ve been in that haze of fury before. It felt ugly. He was maybe four years old and out of control. He hit her repeatedly and she smacked his bottom not very hard with his shorts on. Who knows if he was no exhausted, ate a ton of sugar, or underlying issues? I also had noticed cultural differences as another woman the day before who spoke with a foreign accent gave her son a whack right out out on the open (not a bare bum, but over his shorts). She said, “Disgusting!” with pure meanness in her voice. I have boys, so nothing shocks me there but I do get pissed when they say certain things…especially at the wrong time.

That mother in the bathroom had her hands full. I wanted to help. I wanted to help the version of me that is her, where I feel helpless, mad, and out of control. In that situation, I did feel that. I left the bathroom feeling uneasy. I had some judgment from my family that I didn’t need. I have no regret. I will be someone who will pray and come from the highest place, but if my insides push me to try to protect or help, I will. Did what I do solve anything or help in any way? No. But I pray for peace, in her, in me, in the world. I couldn’t have sat at dinner not knowing if he was being beaten.

What I learned about myself on my vacation were many things. I react. I try to control. I want to be close to people and one side cannot decide this. I am not in charge of helping everyone or is it desired by them. I’m not afraid to look within, be seen as wrong, or to not fit in. Time and freedom are major gifts. Fun is underrated. Anger is really easy and really toxic, but can also be a catalyst to figure out what you really want. Life is too short for bullshit and following your dreams and creating your own happiness is the prize. Many are seeking something opposite of this without realizing it. I really can be happy in many settings by my focus on gratitude. My thoughts and focus are superpowers. Awareness is even more heightened after I reset my every day normal by going away on vacation. Clarity is a feeling and not a list written of goals or to-do’s. I will focus more and distract less. Energy is my creative force and I will truly step up and live my truth and fullest potential.

I was running from loneliness.

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I’m all wide open from the workshop last Sunday which was facilitated by Jennifer Pastiloff. In meditation this morning, I created another journey for my clients by accident but it was very healing for me. I got some past life whispers and deep down soul stuff.

As I was taking a bath the next day, truly committed to self-care and living in purpose, not on turbo, I felt that lonely edge. I whispered in my mind’s voice, “Who are you? Why do you pop up again?” I was listening to a song from the workshop which I actually love and used to write my novels (second one I promise to finish). That song and a few others always tap me into that lonely me, but in a way I like. She’s the free spirit me too, the love wolf who is loud when she’s silent.

I realized in a past life I wasn’t hurt or poor from being different, but rather ostracized in the most fatal way, that lonely in a crowded room of friends and family. That label of different, weird, the oddball, the misfit. As I followed the energy into this lifetime, I saw that thread run through. I wanted to feel full of my own soul.

I would run from lonely like a motherfucker. I would do anything not to feel it. I’d fill it up with food, stuff, people, alcohol, TV, google, social media, gossip, and writing. I got real and authentic and asked myself to follow this feeling again. I tried to avoid lonely years ago daily and now it only visits on occasion but passes quickly.

What was I looking for? Was people pleasing a way to not feel lonely? No. Not for me. I didn’t actually want to be liked really. I wanted to be validated for something. That damn, elusive enoughness. Was it that? Was it to be heard and seen? No. It was deeper. It was connection. I was looking to feel connected to another person in a meaningful way so that I felt simultaneously connected more to the Divine and to myself.

I realized that’s why I love coaching so much. I love connecting with people for sure and do so daily, but beyond filling people up with Light, there’s more. I love reconnecting them with themselves. There is nothing like feeling our fractured places are actually beautiful and make up the whole.

I’m grateful for that part of me that can feel lonely, she’s timeless. She reminds me to look within and pull back into me. She reminds me to never fear myself or to feel. She always has a gift for me, that dark, shadowy void that always fills with light, but not like a glow…it’s a flame, a fire, a desire. She’s my tribal goddess who is a trailblazer in this and any other lifetimes and she knows…oh she knows so much. And finally she isn’t going to be quiet anymore. She is that vulnerable, brave, bold badass that would rather die than feel she can’t be authentic.

P. S. More shares as I integrate all of yesterday.

I’m not Martha Stewart

Before Pinterest social media showing off, I had two kids. I sewed some clothes, baked some cakes, glitterized Christmas balls, made some jewelry, and a general crafting phase would come and go. I only had Martha to go by. I knew I’d never be her. I was happy with my little projects.

Enter the new world of “those” moms. I admire those moms. I am friends with those moms. I love those moms.  I stay in my lane. They stay in theirs. I venture to that side and I’ll cook some amazing soup, but then I get ambitious. I get cocky. I try to dye Easter eggs using natural methods like foods. I see some pins on Pinterest. I rebel. I wing it.  I am not one of those moms.

I tried.  I prepped the night before.  Spinach for green, beet for pink, red cabbage for purple, turmeric for yellow, and paprika for orange. We waited.
I tried. I prepped the night before. Spinach for green, beet for pink, red cabbage for purple, turmeric for yellow, and paprika for orange. We waited.

Nothing.

My oldest son Aidan busted out the food coloring when his few didn't turn color.  Just a white egg.
My oldest son Aidan busted out the food coloring when his few didn’t turn color. Just a white egg.

Of course they got carried away.

Hulk egg is what he was going for.
Hulk egg is what he was going for.

Meanwhile, I’m brainstorming. Add some vinegar. I only have Apple Cider Dr. Braggs. Hey, I’ll give it a whirl.

More playing.  At least they had fun.
More playing. At least they had fun. My middle son Finnegan’s Hulk egg masterpiece.

Now, I’m thinking…what dyes things? Tomato sauce dyes my Tupperware and white sink, plus the kids clothes when they eat spaghetti and I don’t catch the stain in time.

Food coloring made some cool eggs.
Food coloring made some cool eggs. My youngest son Seamus created this design.

As I dunk the eggs that are resistant to my natural methods into the tomato sauce I’m thinking Pizzeria eggs and totally cracking myself up. Wouldn’t it be cool if it worked?

My middle son just says forget it after his Hulk egg and eats a few.  Look at how cool the inside is.  It's art.
Finnegan just says forget it after his Hulk egg and eats a few. Look at how cool the inside is. It’s art.

I’m now telling them (like I’m on like a TED talk) about what Mommy is teaching them here. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not nice all the time. I can be mean, stern mom often with five kids with three of them being “spirited” boys. But let me have my TED/good mom moment here. I say, “You know what I’m teaching you guys here? Determination. I didn’t lose sixty pounds, write two books, and become a successful life coach by giving up. You try something. It doesn’t work. You try something else. That doesn’t work. You try something else. That doesn’t work…you what?

The youngest two boys are still in the room and they echo, “You try something else.” I smile.  Patting myself on the back, I leave the eggs to stew in my concoctions and make my Butternut squash soup. I Facebook. I referee with the boys fighting. I give someone a pep talk.  I play with the baby. Isn’t she adorable?

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She’s so very. My Dylaney Maeve.

 

The final outcome. In the words of Finn as I explain that I’m sharing this story in a blog. “Did you say…EPIC FAIL? Nice try though.”

I say, “No, it wasn’t a failure. Two eggs turned out okay.”

Blue one was from boiled red cabbage with a little vinegar added after a while and the yellow one is from turmeric with vinegar as well.
Blue one was from boiled red cabbage with a little vinegar added after a while and the yellow one is from turmeric with vinegar as well.

Funny thing is in my twenties, as a stay-at-home mom, I would watch Martha Stewart’s show and drool.  I would have felt like a failure with this egg incident. I wouldn’t have told anyone it didn’t turn out because I would have been embarrassed. I would have been mad at myself and gotten crabby. I would have felt stupid. Thank God, I don’t focus on my shortcomings anymore. Self-love transformed me.  Back then, I felt in competition with other moms and other women in general.  At 37, I celebrate the great things about those moms and all women, knowing their strengths do not take away from me.  We all get to be beautiful, smart, and a wonderful in our own unique ways.

For my wins…first of all, I take a mean selfie.

New Victoria's Secret off the shoulder sweatshirt and MAC lipstick, color named Ruby Woo.  Love the name.  I captioned a selfie on Instagram..."Red lipstick solves evverything."  It sure makes me feel good!
New Victoria’s Secret off the shoulder sweatshirt and MAC lipstick, color named Ruby Woo. Love the name. I captioned a selfie on Instagram…”Red lipstick solves everything.” It sure makes me feel good!

Okay, not a full win in parenting department, but my two older boys have been cleaning their room…slowly…like turtle speed, but it’s progress. Last night Aidan was supposed to go home and clean, but he literally passed out on my parents’ couch after dinner.

Allergies?  A cold?  He really wasn't feeling great, but he was at a sleepover the night before.  Quite suspicious!  Today...quite better.
Allergies? A cold? He really wasn’t feeling great, but he was at a sleepover the night before. Quite suspicious! Today…quite better.

Totally not a win, but had to share super funny pic.  I think he has a future in stand up.

Seamus put on his baby sisters coat as we were getting coats on to leave my parents' house.  Dennis the Menace.  God made him cute for a reason.  Remember, he's spirited.
Seamus put on his baby sister’s coat as we were getting ready to leave my parents’ house. Dennis the Menace. God made him cute for a reason. Remember, he’s spirited.

Hope you had a good weekend.  Remember, life’s too short to be hard on yourself. Just let Martha be Martha and you be you. You’re a total rockstar in your own right. Btw…I’ll never stop trying to be crafty. I can’t help myself. Wish me lucky tomorrow as I purchase stuff for the preschool Easter party on Thursday. (Yes, I’m getting a pre-made kit and I’m not ashamed of it.

P.S. My oldest daughter could become the next Martha Stewart, only in her own crafty awesomeness. Watch out, Pinterest, McKayla will be one to watch for.

The Curse of The Positive Thinker

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Photo credit: Macpherson Family Photography

People think I’m always happy because of my writing and coaching. I’m a life coach. So yes, I help change people’s lives. I have answers. I have tools to create more happiness. I’m a healer. I can tap into cosmic greatness. I still bleed though. I’m not talking literally here, but rather I’m not immune to the human experience as a whole which can make negative thoughts cross my mind for a moment or not the best words come out of my mouth. Especially when my kids are fighting, I can be out of coaching mode so much that I look like a lunatic. Rest assured, I’m not. I’m almost normal.

This curse is not really a curse actually, but rather just authenticity. It’s a personal truth. I am not always positive in my own life. Audience goes quiet and there’s a sigh of relief…I hope.

A few years ago, I felt like this made me a fraud. Then a coach I respected told me not to wait until everything was perfect in my own life, in order to coach others. It was freeing. I only had four kids then and more to learn about myself.

Last summer, I was trying to focus on my writing and enjoy being with my kids, treating my business as a hobby at times. I was feeling off. Perfection can be a trap (one of the titles in my book Sexpot With Stretch Marks is Perfectionism is a Crap Trap). It is. I had to reexamine my priorities, energy, focus, thinking, belief, everything. I felt lost and unclear about the right direction and afraid I would not achieve what I knew in my heart was both my destiny and dream. I told my husband I wasn’t happy and that things needed to change. I was getting sucked back into motherhood.

Don’t get me wrong. I love being a mother. I was born to do it. I’ve been one for almost 18 years. It’s just not enough for me. I have ambition and I want to be around for my kids. I’m a have your cake and eat it girl. I almost cringe at that word “balance” anymore. People always say to me “I don’t know how you do it all?” I feel like I’m missing something when they say that, like I should be cleaning or something. I have to remind myself not to fall for a positive thinking perfectionism, where I’m not allowed to feel it all.

The truth is I’m human. I’m a kickass coach, life catalyst, mojo expert, #1 best-selling author, mother of five, supportive wife, blogger, and more, but the human part can feel the most real. I’m very spiritual. I feel energy. It’s called an empath. I see it as all emotions are okay in theory, but anger I judge in myself and my kids. Concepts are so easy to write, teach, and coach about…but I have five kids…which is FIVE different personalities I have to try to manage or give room to grow at any given moment. I had to learn I do not create their happiness nor do they disallow mine.

Adding the marketing, advertising, and business side to my big life last summer was taking the fun and magic out of a lot of what I loved about coaching, writing, blogging and life. I decided to get self-full again. (Moms must remember self-care equals a happy family. Selfish is bullshit…call it happiness survival.)

Just know you can be the most positive person in the world and have a bad day, get in a funk, be a raging bitch for an hour, or experience the variety pack of emotions and still fall in the positive category. I’m always a rockstar of me no matter what emotion may rise, I still got it.

Being positive will change your life. But you will have feelings that lead you to more of yourself, more desire, clarity, and expansion. They might not feel pretty. You may cry, yell, feel confused, feel like a big fat phony because you feel like you’re back to square one, new student on the first day of school. It’s okay. You can feel that way when you reach a new level of awesome. Don’t believe what doubt tells you. Your bad days don’t take away from your accomplishments, your genius, or how much you have learned. Coaches, healers, positive thinkers can say “I don’t know” or feel like their tank is empty. I won’t judge you. You’re a human, not a robot. On the other side is always the pot of gold. You feel freer, lighter, truer, richer, and you will know more. Don’t be afraid you’re off your path EVER. You can’t get off of it. The journey that you’re creating every day will have hills, valleys, sunny days, clouds, rain, traffic, wind, joy rides where you’re alone on the road and you need it all to appreciate the stillness of getting to your new destination before you take off in a new adventure of desire. Positive thinkers, it’s okay to be perfectly you on a bad day and eat all the chocolate you can find. You’re amazing. Don’t forget it. Transformation is never on pause, folks.

BUSINESS STUFF***(Psst…pretty headshots and great ads look nice, but I’ll always be me.) When looking for a coach, trust your gut, go by your feeling, not savvy words or glossy look to anything. You should resonate with their philosophies. You will know who is right for you. Not one coach is right for everyone. Never let anyone pressure to act now or you’ll explode. Marketing people, don’t kill me for that, but there is a difference between creating urgency for people to have their best life and dragging people down the road to true happiness when they’re not ready. A no is no. A maybe is a maybe. You will always get more clients. You do not need to use force to be a force. And there is no competition with coaches. We are all different flavors and plenty of customers looking over the menu.