Just In Case You Thought I Was Perfect

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Welcoming this New Moon, I need this shift in energy personally. My intention is peace and prosperity. I share a lot, but keep certain things to myself as a blogger and writer. This is not about keeping up a persona, but rather that I’m a mommy. I don’t think it’s fair to share all of my kids mistakes and shortcomings. Each age has it’s good and bad, each child unique, with it’s own potential to drive this zen craver insane and yearning to run away. (Don’t worry, I’d only run to the grocery store.)

With five kids, a few all revved up with summer wildness and weird anticipation of school next week, it’s been insane. I’ve had ridiculous moments of epic stress. For the first time, as my friend Jennifer​​ reminded me, I have had five children in a summer. Last year, I only had four kids and I technically wasn’t working from home, I was writing and dreaming big. So working on many projects, figuring my career out, creating income and another thing she reminded me…that I have super high standards for myself. With that, my anger lately has made me feel like shit at times.

I’m so in my zone when I’m with clients, customers, students, and talking about self-empowerment and spirituality. But when my sons are fighting constantly, it has been throwing me off…not cause I don’t know my shit. I know I know my shit and my walking my talk is this. I’m human. I’m convinced this stuff would throw off 99% of the population. Especially judging by the looks of people watching my kids duke it out on the beach who probably think I’m a big mean ball of rage.

Yesterday, I came home and opened the door to a room full of smoke. Everything was okay, don’t worry. But my thirteen year old made a cooking mistake and the kitchen, living room, and hallway filled with smoke. I walked in, baby on hip, and twisted my ankle on the boogie boards he had dropped as he ran into the kitchen. I came down on my elbow, and thank God when baby went down with me, my arms buffered her fall. She was fine. She just looked at me as if…why’d you do that, Ma? I landed on my right knee and it really hurt. I made the kids go outside and we aired out the house. I sat on my steps in a surrender moment. I called my husband and cried a little. Later on, I cried some more in my glass of wine, as I iced my knee when the kids were asleep.

I have had such a mix of emotions lately and they’re all good. Does it make me less badass goddess cause I have my dark moments? Hell no. I wouldn’t trust anyone who is perfect on paper, online, or otherwise that doesn’t bleed sometimes, have a heart, and weaknesses if you want to call it that. I own my light and my dark, my sunshine and shadows. Ahh…today I’m going to try to be easy on myself and my kids. Centering back into gratitude, I find myself.

I put yesterday to bed and start anew. Next week, my oldest starts Senior year and this makes me beyond emotional. And then as if the cosmic greatness doesn’t already show me it has a great sense of humor, the baby was trying to nurse last night while using me for a teething ring. Folks, we have two teeth coming in. LOL! This week is gonna rock though, I can feel it. I’m going to fluff up my wings and keep flying again.

Summer Simmering Down

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As summertime at the Jersey Shore slows down, it’s a mix of emotions. Today my boys are so wild. They’re supposed to be cleaning up. We’re getting our brains wrapped about back-to-school pre-madness as we head to shop for clothes and supplies. I am not ready for the routine but I feel change coming.

Never resist change. It comes. It never asks for permission. I will take advantage of the colder weather to write. Would I rather live somewhere tropical and write from a cabana? Yes, that’s part of the big dream.

I’ll keep in my heart the days I spent with all five kids on the beach. A few times it was all five of them, but teenagers don’t always be with you or they have busy lives, so I savor those moments.

I’ll forget all the yelling, the messes, the stresses, the working from home at the zoo (carnival, circus, frat house…depending on the day). We had a lot of laughs. We are planning a Disney trip and looking ahead at more good times. There was already a plan together for Halloween costumes as a group. The costumes are TOP SECRET.

What I learned this summer was there is a time for everything. Time to work, time to play, time to strive and dream…and especially time to focus on all the good in front of you. As project were put on hold, I tried some things that were successful and some not, I had to surrender to the grand plan. Being centered sets the tone for me, my life, and my family. I met some great people and did some life changing yoga. It’s always funny how you think you’ll do certain things, when often the way life unfolds is even better. Total gratitude for it all, insanity, mayhem, bliss and fun.

To be continued…we still have almost two weeks. School starts on the 4th for the big kids. My oldest starts Senior year. This brings me to tears. No joke, for real. My oldest son starts 8th grade. My middle son starts 2nd grade. My youngest son will start his second year of preschool. It will be just me and the baby on those mornings. This year is pivotal in my life. I’m going to hold on for dear life.

Lovies & mama hugs,
Jenny

P.S. Mood lifters for me are weird, like cooking or putting on make-up. Today, I pickled some jalapeños that my friend Christina gave me from her garden. Fresh produce is up there with getting new bling or heels for me. I of course went all badass and experimented creating my own recipe. Now I guess I should look up how long it takes for the to pickle. I also got a new wine colored matte lip stain from NYX. Pictures to come of hot peppers and hot lips.