I was talking with one of my girlfriends this week who is married and is not going to have kids. I applaud her. I love choices. I joked that I had enough for the both of us. She has an amazing business that is growing at a super speed. Being a mother is hardcore with five kids over here and add working, it’s a crazy thing people throw around that’s an illusion called “balance.” It will look different for everyone and changes by the day. Do I need a break sometimes? At least five times a week, the other two days, my hubby is off. True story.
I know of some mothers who chose to not want to be a full time mother anymore, which I wonder, without judgment, if they had any question before they had kids if they really wanted to be a mother? Make no mistake here though, children should be raised by those who will love them and if a mother is going to resent them and be cold towards them, it is not good for kids. They feel it.
I have felt drained by motherhood many times in my almost 18 years of it. I love them with all of my heart, but feel zero guilt about this. It’s real. I became a mom at age 20 and did an amazing job when I consider that as well. I learned to use that low and empty feeling as a barometer on my own mojo-life force-energy. I have to fill myself up and create my own happiness. That is not their job. Kids should not dictate our mood or vibration. I have to remind myself of this daily, but would not trade it for anything in the world. I always knew I wanted to be a mom….just didn’t know there would be so many.
I feel so blessed they chose me. I believe souls can do that. They have become my students and teachers, little secret gurus who have no idea when they hold up the mirror, I can see my shadow side and my light. Always a growth experience, this human gig. Ya know?
I write what I can always without dragging their stuff out into the world as it’s my mission to let both my best version of me out, fierce in fiery words, and grace in its holy sacred. There is always the balance between mother and woman, and yet, every woman is balancing something as we inherently come mentally equip for that. I don’t believe we have to sacrifice. We can have it all, just not everything from the buffet on one plate at the same time.
My career is important to me for my own fulfillment and I could never go back to being a stay-at-home mom exclusively. Without writing, coaching, and having a strong message to spread to the world, I wouldn’t be me. It makes me who I am. Being a mother is part of my core and the goddess self who expresses herself and heals others is her juxtaposition. My kids see a woman who believes in her dreams and works for it. I have found my passions and there will be more I discover along the way. My kids will never have a “perfect” mom. But they’ll have a mom who’s alive not just in the physical sense, but that wild heart-soul deep kind. I live my truth and love to empower other women to do the same.
There is no need to keep score with other women or compete on how they live. Their business, parenting, balance, romantic life, and choices are about them. There is no us versus them. Women united equals freedom. Let them do them well and you do you well. We all win then. Focus on your garden and plant more good seeds, goddesses. Respecting others makes you even more beautiful.