Why I’m a phony?

And you are too.
What?
Blasphemy for a life coach!

Do I really believe this?

No.  I think we are all human.  I think some of us try to focus on the positive.  And if you are promoting your business, lifestyle, coaching or positioning yourself as an expert…you should have ALL your shit together.

A.  This is a perfectionist trap.
B.  This would mean you would have to live in a hut in the middle of nowhere ALONE with all your needs taken care of.

You know…conditions would have to be PERFECT.  Hahahaha!  My life in in New Jersey.  I have five kids.  They are all spirited with complex personalities.  Obviously all kids are, but most of mine are fiery.  Wonder where they get it from.  😉

Even if you are just on social media for fun, you are not being 100% authentic.  I try to be heart authentic as possible, but I’m not posting pics of my junk drawers (yes, plural) or how my bathrooms need to be cleaned. Does this mean people can’t know the real me.  The real me is ALL of it, good, babd, and ugly but lots of times I can’t post stuff related to other people in my life and it’s their business anyway.  Does it hold me back as a writer and blogger…at times yes.  Does it hold me back as a life coach, to not post all the rawness?  No, but dealing with it makes me a better life coach, as I gain more experience, wisdom, knowledge, compassion, clarity, and focus.  You should know I talk to coaches all the time and behind-the-scenes they are struggling, working on, or dealing with something they don’t post about.  They are still being authentic and not phony.  They may use filters on their photos.  I do all the time.  They use retouched photos for their ads and it’s just smart business.  Let’s let go of judging others and ourselves so harshly.  Let people own their best selves and cheer them on as they get closer to it.  I’m cheering you all on and don’t judge you for where you are now.  It’s just today.  Your future self is being created right now.

So if you think you know me from social media, just like all of us, you get a snippet of my life.  Not everyone can be in our private life. I hope you all have friends who can help you when you are going through something…because some people never let anyone in.  If you are going through relationship problems with a partner, child, parent, sibling, or friend, sometimes it’s hard to talk about as it confirms it to be real.  Or we may cry if we start talking.  I have had some really stressful things going on lately (not with the hubs so don’t even get any ideas-LOL!).  I don’t post this on social media, but I will share what I learn on the other side.  If it looks like I am a phony because I post happy things, pretty selfies, and inspiring quotes and you know in my “real life” I have what you would call “problems”…that’s on you.  I am being me in the best way I can.  Going on rants online is not my thing.  Problems are opportunities for solutions.  Just like questions are creating answers.  It’s all about perspective.   There is juice in all of it to be gained.  Be easy on yourself and others. Everyone has got some “stuff.”

I love you guys!

Wishing you all abundant success, passion, happiness, and peace wrapped up in love,
Jenny G. Perry
Mojo Expert-Life Catalyst

P.S.  If you want to set up a call to see if my coaching is right for you, go here:
My FREE telecall next Tuesday:  Self-love isn’t for sissies-How to spot your subconscious blocks and how to finally change your mind.  Register here:

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10 Mindsets that suck the life out of your relationships, business, self-confidence and happiness

1. Blame game-“They make me so mad!”  DO you keep a scorecard on your partner, kids, colleagues, friends, parents, and even yourself?  You find yourself blaming others for your bad mood?  Their behavior (action) is a fact.  Your mood (feeling) is an opinion. It is a choice to give everyone else the key to your happiness or stop playing the blame game.  This is even with yourself.   Do you blame yourself for everything that goes wrong?  Forgive yourself and refocus on what you want.  What do you want to feel?   Write it on a post it and every day, look at it.  Know what you want and you will get it.  Be easy on yourself in the process.

2. Victim forever-“Why is everything  happening to me?  It’s always been this way.  I can never catch a break.”  Yes, there are bad things that happen to people.   They are victims to what happened in their lives, but they don’t have to stay that way.  They deserve to be victors.  We all do.  We all have the woe-is-me story going at times.  “Why won’t my kids listen to me?  Why doesn’t anyone notice my hard work in my job?”  This is a vibe people give off that is not attractive and people like to get away from you since it’s draining.  Being in a victim mindset will never get you anywhere good.  From your point of power, what are options to think, do, or say?  Your power is available to be harnessed, first from your thinking.  Being fed up is a place to start.  Now I’m going to take action and create the life of my dreams is the next step.

3. Control-Needing to control everything and everyone to feel better.  Like you need to hold the world in your hands.  This sounds like power in business, but it’s a closed off energy. You can’t receive help if you are being a control freak and not allowing someone else to know something or have the missing piece to the puzzle.  It stops the magic.  It creates a lot of anger inside that can become toxic.  This can bring you to anxiety and feelings of powerlessness.  All of that laser focus on wanting to control can be transformed into creative juices if you can learn to relax through releasing attachment, surrendering to the present moment, and meditation or activities of mindfulness.

4. Happiness is down the road-You will never get there.  With this thinking, you won’t.  You don’t have the guarantee of ten years from now, when the house is paid off, you retire, the kids are off to college, or whatever that elusive happiness down the road looks like.  It could be when you lose weight, make more money, or get the guy.  Forget about the guy, your happiness is knocking on your door today.  What can you be grateful for now?  There are things you are missing out on if your happiness lives ten years from now, or even next year…life responds to you.  Circumstances do not determine your level of happiness.  There are a lot of thin, rich, married, successful people that are not happy.  Just watch Reality TV.  You will feel better.  Happy is yours if you keep practicing smiling at yourself in the mirror.  Just try it.

5. Constant comparison-Do you compare yourself to others and feel you fall short?  “Look at their pictures.  Oh, there are so many likes and comments on their picture!  They are doing ‘better” than me.  They are bringing in x amount of sales, clients, revenue. “   SO what?  First of all, is that competition space making you feel bad?  Do you think putting the energy into what you want to create is more productive?  We don’t even know if the person’s numbers or right or how they actually feel. They could secretly be overworked and miserably busy.  Do you.  Let them go.

6. Stuck in the muck-Is your favorite sentence…”I don’t know?”  This is a cop out sometimes.  Afraid to make a mistake or be seen as stupid, bossy, selfish, weird, or whatever, we don’t say what we really want.  Do you have a business or want to start one?  Can you dream big?  Do you feel like you are stuck in the mud and unable to move forward?  Like you’ve been in a funk and you can’t get out.  The past has its claws in you.  Something from the past (loss, failure, rejection, experience, opinion of someone) has paralyzed you.  What’s the solution?  How can you fix your life when the pause button seems stuck?   Do one thing positive today to get things flowing.

7. Lost in limitations-If someone asks you to do something, do you come up with reasons why you can’t do it?  Is it your bank account, your kids, lack of time, your job, your training, or your past that holds you back?  Knowing your limitations and who to hire for things is smart. Don’t try fixing your own toilet from Youtube or anything.  If you build up your strengths instead of looking at those limitations as actual truth, your life gets to be better and more fun.  What you are paying attention to will become greater in your life. It’s the law of attraction principle.  Observe others’ lives and you will see it in action.  Strengths or limitations?  One builds businesses and epic relationships, one kills your life force and makes you go bankrupt.  Write down three strengths you have and repeat them in your mind as affirmations.  What is good about you?  Work on that not just daily, but hourly to get out of your own way.

8. I’m not worthy-Can you take a compliment?  Do you sabotage good things like relationships or your finances?  Did you make a mistake you can’t forgive yourself for?  Do you know your worth?  Do you never feel like you will be good enough?  How much good are you willing to receive?  This is one of the common core beliefs that most people suffer with on a subconscious level and it crops up in all their problems in life.  If your life is a mess, worthiness is at the root.  It can look all neat and clean, like it’s almost perfect…but doesn’t inside feel like a mess?  Worthiness issues create anxiety, depression, and feed addictions.  Working a lot can be to prove our worthiness.  Acquiring lots of beautiful things can be a worthiness issue as well.  Needing to be recognized as something means our worth is wrapped up in something outside of ourselves.  Parents that push their kids to excel and feel judged by others based on their child’s performance are doing this.  Your worth is immeasurable.  You are worthy at your core.  Work on your connection to yourself.

9. Busy disease-“I’m so busy.”  Instead of saying you have a busy life, think of it as a big life.  Busy can be a buzzing energy like a bee, but look like a hamster spinning on his wheel.  If you broke down your life into a pie chart, do you waste time on things that do not yield a result?  Are things that make you happy time wasters to you?  They are yielding happiness.  Schedule in fun if you have to.  Being caught up in the need to be busy is normal.  It makes us feel alive and useful. It comes back to the worthiness issue again.  When you are looking back on this time when you are on your deathbed, what wisdom would you hear?  You should have been busy…or you should have enjoyed life more.  This is not dress rehearsal.  This is the real deal. Today is showtime.  Unbusy your life, your mind, and your way of being.  Peace is inside of you if you turn down the busy.

10. Money is everything-Working like a dog to make more money distracts us from ourselves, but also is backwards thinking in a way.  Having more money means we will have more time, freedom, happiness, security?  It feels different for everyone.  You can make more money, spend it, win it, lose it, but you sure as hell can’t bring it with you. Don’t make it everything.  Relationships, your health, your happiness, your well-being, family, nature, heart-centered experiences, fun adventures, connection to a Higher Power, those are the most important things.  Money is great, but when you don’t have as much as you want, don’t feel bad.  You are still worthy and go out in the sunshine…feel the abundance all around.  Feel your own personal freedom.  Feel how much time you have in that precious moment.  Abundance is many things.  Don’t base life off of a number.  You are more than that.  Go create more joyful moments and money is sure to follow.  Be open to receive it.

I help my clients get out of their own way so they can have the life they know in their heart they are meant to have.  Reinvention are transformation more than possible and dreams do come true.  If you’re ready to shift your mindset and help, I’m your girl.

Lovies,
Jenny G. Perry
-Mojo Expert-Life Catalyst-Intuitive Healer

The Curse of The Positive Thinker

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Photo credit: Macpherson Family Photography

People think I’m always happy because of my writing and coaching. I’m a life coach. So yes, I help change people’s lives. I have answers. I have tools to create more happiness. I’m a healer. I can tap into cosmic greatness. I still bleed though. I’m not talking literally here, but rather I’m not immune to the human experience as a whole which can make negative thoughts cross my mind for a moment or not the best words come out of my mouth. Especially when my kids are fighting, I can be out of coaching mode so much that I look like a lunatic. Rest assured, I’m not. I’m almost normal.

This curse is not really a curse actually, but rather just authenticity. It’s a personal truth. I am not always positive in my own life. Audience goes quiet and there’s a sigh of relief…I hope.

A few years ago, I felt like this made me a fraud. Then a coach I respected told me not to wait until everything was perfect in my own life, in order to coach others. It was freeing. I only had four kids then and more to learn about myself.

Last summer, I was trying to focus on my writing and enjoy being with my kids, treating my business as a hobby at times. I was feeling off. Perfection can be a trap (one of the titles in my book Sexpot With Stretch Marks is Perfectionism is a Crap Trap). It is. I had to reexamine my priorities, energy, focus, thinking, belief, everything. I felt lost and unclear about the right direction and afraid I would not achieve what I knew in my heart was both my destiny and dream. I told my husband I wasn’t happy and that things needed to change. I was getting sucked back into motherhood.

Don’t get me wrong. I love being a mother. I was born to do it. I’ve been one for almost 18 years. It’s just not enough for me. I have ambition and I want to be around for my kids. I’m a have your cake and eat it girl. I almost cringe at that word “balance” anymore. People always say to me “I don’t know how you do it all?” I feel like I’m missing something when they say that, like I should be cleaning or something. I have to remind myself not to fall for a positive thinking perfectionism, where I’m not allowed to feel it all.

The truth is I’m human. I’m a kickass coach, life catalyst, mojo expert, #1 best-selling author, mother of five, supportive wife, blogger, and more, but the human part can feel the most real. I’m very spiritual. I feel energy. It’s called an empath. I see it as all emotions are okay in theory, but anger I judge in myself and my kids. Concepts are so easy to write, teach, and coach about…but I have five kids…which is FIVE different personalities I have to try to manage or give room to grow at any given moment. I had to learn I do not create their happiness nor do they disallow mine.

Adding the marketing, advertising, and business side to my big life last summer was taking the fun and magic out of a lot of what I loved about coaching, writing, blogging and life. I decided to get self-full again. (Moms must remember self-care equals a happy family. Selfish is bullshit…call it happiness survival.)

Just know you can be the most positive person in the world and have a bad day, get in a funk, be a raging bitch for an hour, or experience the variety pack of emotions and still fall in the positive category. I’m always a rockstar of me no matter what emotion may rise, I still got it.

Being positive will change your life. But you will have feelings that lead you to more of yourself, more desire, clarity, and expansion. They might not feel pretty. You may cry, yell, feel confused, feel like a big fat phony because you feel like you’re back to square one, new student on the first day of school. It’s okay. You can feel that way when you reach a new level of awesome. Don’t believe what doubt tells you. Your bad days don’t take away from your accomplishments, your genius, or how much you have learned. Coaches, healers, positive thinkers can say “I don’t know” or feel like their tank is empty. I won’t judge you. You’re a human, not a robot. On the other side is always the pot of gold. You feel freer, lighter, truer, richer, and you will know more. Don’t be afraid you’re off your path EVER. You can’t get off of it. The journey that you’re creating every day will have hills, valleys, sunny days, clouds, rain, traffic, wind, joy rides where you’re alone on the road and you need it all to appreciate the stillness of getting to your new destination before you take off in a new adventure of desire. Positive thinkers, it’s okay to be perfectly you on a bad day and eat all the chocolate you can find. You’re amazing. Don’t forget it. Transformation is never on pause, folks.

BUSINESS STUFF***(Psst…pretty headshots and great ads look nice, but I’ll always be me.) When looking for a coach, trust your gut, go by your feeling, not savvy words or glossy look to anything. You should resonate with their philosophies. You will know who is right for you. Not one coach is right for everyone. Never let anyone pressure to act now or you’ll explode. Marketing people, don’t kill me for that, but there is a difference between creating urgency for people to have their best life and dragging people down the road to true happiness when they’re not ready. A no is no. A maybe is a maybe. You will always get more clients. You do not need to use force to be a force. And there is no competition with coaches. We are all different flavors and plenty of customers looking over the menu.