Ladies, please listen.
There are two points I want to make.
It is okay for you to be focused on trying to be day by day, moment by moment, trying to be the best mom, doing minimal self-care, and not focused on your partner and feel like sex is just one more thing you have to do….
I have been there.
Please don’t stay there too long though.
Hear me. No judgement here, just sharing what helped me come alive.
Shut the fuck up about your belly pouch. Seriously, I don’t want to hear about it anymore. We all, except some fitness or lucky ones, or ones who have had work done.
YOU ARE STILL SEXY! You are beautiful.
I know what it’s like to stress about money, home work balance, anxiety about the world, feeling like the kids suck your dry, being angry all the time, feeling alone, and yes the hating of the body.
Obligatory sex once a week. I did that a time in my twenties.
I was not putting energy into my marriage and neither was he.
We loved each other always, but I was checked out and so was he. TV was entertainment, not each other.
Dates felt awkward.
I’d bitch about the kids. He’d bitch about work.
I felt closer to girlfriends than him.
But I will tell you I went on an inner quest, a wild ass journey to get to know myself and learn to like her, to be happy without outer things changing, and to feel alive.
Just going through the motions was not going to work anymore. I felt like I was dying the housewife slow death. I worked sporadically but it wasn’t anything that fulfilled me.
I was guided to write a novel.
Then another. (First one is next to be published though.)
I found a PASSION. I decided to talk nicely to myself. I choose to work on our relationship. I believe marriage needs to be emotionally renewed yearly or more…maybe just once is your turning point.
I looked at sex differently. It became transcendent. Cosmic love in our hearts and bodies. Sex is an act. Many different ways and flavors. .Sensual way of being with each other many call foreplay. Your life can be foreplay.
I’m telling you all of this so you know you can change it.
If you lose the connection long enough, it can create something where one side i done and/or has moved on with someone else secretly.
Don’t look to your partner to change. Complaining about them on a constant is not a motivator. Focus on what you like about them.
There is so much juice in focus, choice, accepting your partner fully, honoring them, and making them feel like you cherish them.
Create romance. Seduce yourself. Talk to yourself like you know you are a Goddess. Self-love yourself with baths, yoga class, a new purse, whatever self-care you need to feel like a woman and not just a role like mom, wife, lawyer, whatever.
Make the dinner reservation and book the babysitter. i dare you to make it an overnighter.
Buy the lingerie, candles, toys, whatever lights you up.
Do this for YOU. Do this for you BOTH.
A happy marriage/relationship is a great foundation for your children. They are going to grow up and move out. Don’t wait to pay attention to your partner then.
Treat each other life boyfriend or girlfriend again.
This is possible for you. Whenever you are ready.
It is worth it to be madly in love again
And to love myself deep down into my cells….flaws and all.
(P.S. My kids are 20, 16, 10, 7, & 3 and my husband and I have been together for 21 years, married for 20)
P.P.S. Let’s work on this. Take the leap. Email me at; Jenny@jennygperry.com and we can chat to see if we’d be a good match to work together 1:1 or one of my programs. .