10 Mindsets that suck the life out of your relationships, business, self-confidence and happiness

1. Blame game-“They make me so mad!”  DO you keep a scorecard on your partner, kids, colleagues, friends, parents, and even yourself?  You find yourself blaming others for your bad mood?  Their behavior (action) is a fact.  Your mood (feeling) is an opinion. It is a choice to give everyone else the key to your happiness or stop playing the blame game.  This is even with yourself.   Do you blame yourself for everything that goes wrong?  Forgive yourself and refocus on what you want.  What do you want to feel?   Write it on a post it and every day, look at it.  Know what you want and you will get it.  Be easy on yourself in the process.

2. Victim forever-“Why is everything  happening to me?  It’s always been this way.  I can never catch a break.”  Yes, there are bad things that happen to people.   They are victims to what happened in their lives, but they don’t have to stay that way.  They deserve to be victors.  We all do.  We all have the woe-is-me story going at times.  “Why won’t my kids listen to me?  Why doesn’t anyone notice my hard work in my job?”  This is a vibe people give off that is not attractive and people like to get away from you since it’s draining.  Being in a victim mindset will never get you anywhere good.  From your point of power, what are options to think, do, or say?  Your power is available to be harnessed, first from your thinking.  Being fed up is a place to start.  Now I’m going to take action and create the life of my dreams is the next step.

3. Control-Needing to control everything and everyone to feel better.  Like you need to hold the world in your hands.  This sounds like power in business, but it’s a closed off energy. You can’t receive help if you are being a control freak and not allowing someone else to know something or have the missing piece to the puzzle.  It stops the magic.  It creates a lot of anger inside that can become toxic.  This can bring you to anxiety and feelings of powerlessness.  All of that laser focus on wanting to control can be transformed into creative juices if you can learn to relax through releasing attachment, surrendering to the present moment, and meditation or activities of mindfulness.

4. Happiness is down the road-You will never get there.  With this thinking, you won’t.  You don’t have the guarantee of ten years from now, when the house is paid off, you retire, the kids are off to college, or whatever that elusive happiness down the road looks like.  It could be when you lose weight, make more money, or get the guy.  Forget about the guy, your happiness is knocking on your door today.  What can you be grateful for now?  There are things you are missing out on if your happiness lives ten years from now, or even next year…life responds to you.  Circumstances do not determine your level of happiness.  There are a lot of thin, rich, married, successful people that are not happy.  Just watch Reality TV.  You will feel better.  Happy is yours if you keep practicing smiling at yourself in the mirror.  Just try it.

5. Constant comparison-Do you compare yourself to others and feel you fall short?  “Look at their pictures.  Oh, there are so many likes and comments on their picture!  They are doing ‘better” than me.  They are bringing in x amount of sales, clients, revenue. “   SO what?  First of all, is that competition space making you feel bad?  Do you think putting the energy into what you want to create is more productive?  We don’t even know if the person’s numbers or right or how they actually feel. They could secretly be overworked and miserably busy.  Do you.  Let them go.

6. Stuck in the muck-Is your favorite sentence…”I don’t know?”  This is a cop out sometimes.  Afraid to make a mistake or be seen as stupid, bossy, selfish, weird, or whatever, we don’t say what we really want.  Do you have a business or want to start one?  Can you dream big?  Do you feel like you are stuck in the mud and unable to move forward?  Like you’ve been in a funk and you can’t get out.  The past has its claws in you.  Something from the past (loss, failure, rejection, experience, opinion of someone) has paralyzed you.  What’s the solution?  How can you fix your life when the pause button seems stuck?   Do one thing positive today to get things flowing.

7. Lost in limitations-If someone asks you to do something, do you come up with reasons why you can’t do it?  Is it your bank account, your kids, lack of time, your job, your training, or your past that holds you back?  Knowing your limitations and who to hire for things is smart. Don’t try fixing your own toilet from Youtube or anything.  If you build up your strengths instead of looking at those limitations as actual truth, your life gets to be better and more fun.  What you are paying attention to will become greater in your life. It’s the law of attraction principle.  Observe others’ lives and you will see it in action.  Strengths or limitations?  One builds businesses and epic relationships, one kills your life force and makes you go bankrupt.  Write down three strengths you have and repeat them in your mind as affirmations.  What is good about you?  Work on that not just daily, but hourly to get out of your own way.

8. I’m not worthy-Can you take a compliment?  Do you sabotage good things like relationships or your finances?  Did you make a mistake you can’t forgive yourself for?  Do you know your worth?  Do you never feel like you will be good enough?  How much good are you willing to receive?  This is one of the common core beliefs that most people suffer with on a subconscious level and it crops up in all their problems in life.  If your life is a mess, worthiness is at the root.  It can look all neat and clean, like it’s almost perfect…but doesn’t inside feel like a mess?  Worthiness issues create anxiety, depression, and feed addictions.  Working a lot can be to prove our worthiness.  Acquiring lots of beautiful things can be a worthiness issue as well.  Needing to be recognized as something means our worth is wrapped up in something outside of ourselves.  Parents that push their kids to excel and feel judged by others based on their child’s performance are doing this.  Your worth is immeasurable.  You are worthy at your core.  Work on your connection to yourself.

9. Busy disease-“I’m so busy.”  Instead of saying you have a busy life, think of it as a big life.  Busy can be a buzzing energy like a bee, but look like a hamster spinning on his wheel.  If you broke down your life into a pie chart, do you waste time on things that do not yield a result?  Are things that make you happy time wasters to you?  They are yielding happiness.  Schedule in fun if you have to.  Being caught up in the need to be busy is normal.  It makes us feel alive and useful. It comes back to the worthiness issue again.  When you are looking back on this time when you are on your deathbed, what wisdom would you hear?  You should have been busy…or you should have enjoyed life more.  This is not dress rehearsal.  This is the real deal. Today is showtime.  Unbusy your life, your mind, and your way of being.  Peace is inside of you if you turn down the busy.

10. Money is everything-Working like a dog to make more money distracts us from ourselves, but also is backwards thinking in a way.  Having more money means we will have more time, freedom, happiness, security?  It feels different for everyone.  You can make more money, spend it, win it, lose it, but you sure as hell can’t bring it with you. Don’t make it everything.  Relationships, your health, your happiness, your well-being, family, nature, heart-centered experiences, fun adventures, connection to a Higher Power, those are the most important things.  Money is great, but when you don’t have as much as you want, don’t feel bad.  You are still worthy and go out in the sunshine…feel the abundance all around.  Feel your own personal freedom.  Feel how much time you have in that precious moment.  Abundance is many things.  Don’t base life off of a number.  You are more than that.  Go create more joyful moments and money is sure to follow.  Be open to receive it.

I help my clients get out of their own way so they can have the life they know in their heart they are meant to have.  Reinvention are transformation more than possible and dreams do come true.  If you’re ready to shift your mindset and help, I’m your girl.

Lovies,
Jenny G. Perry
-Mojo Expert-Life Catalyst-Intuitive Healer

How old are you in fashion years?

Do you dress your age?

What is your fashion age?

This is not a judgement about how you dress, just a myth-busting blog here. The idea of dressing your age is asinine. Magazines have shown us for years what to wear in your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s and beyond. I don’t dress my age because I don’t believe in that. An age does not come with a package of clothing appropriate for that decade or number. Yes, babies should not wear high heels, but children are not part of the point here.

How old are you in fashion years?  Where do you shop?  Where do you want to shop?  What do you want to get away with, but feel like you can’t pull it off?  Answer:  Just decide it.  Love yourself.  And own it, work it, live it.  You can change your style whenever you want…and your life to. Let’s first start with the clothes though.

I love Forever 21. I’m almost 38. I would never want to be 21 again. I don’t pretend I’m in my 20’s. What would that even mean? I know some people judge women when they dress sexy or too “young” as wrong or trying too hard. What if they are just trying to be themselves. I dress for me. It’s fun. I’ve been experimenting with style since I was a kid, minus a few years in my early twenties where I was pretending to look the part of a mom.

I lost myself in the idea of what a mom “should” look, do, and act like. That repressed life force, that hiding of my wildness and untapped creativity made me angry. Rage is something I know well and I’ve embraced my own shadow side which has been angry and acted a fool in many ways. I still love her…as in the dark side of me.  I am more Light, of course, but I own my shadow as well.  Maybe there are some people just full of Light, that lack the depths I’ve explored in the human experience. I’ve been clinically depressed, suffered terrible anxiety, and felt lonely in a crowd, wearing it like an old coat. I taught myself how to love myself enough to become me…and wear fishnets, short jean skirt, and gold high heels on a Wednesday in New Jersey, ownin’ it like I’m a hipster 25 year old in NYC.  Fashion is one of my vibe raisers. It makes me who I am. But I don’t base my opinion of others on what they wear. I realize there are clothes people and car people and cat people…and people that prioritize things different than me. I’m hot for fashion.  I’m thinking my fashion age is 25.  What’s yours?  Have you figured it out yet?  If you don’t like fashion, don’t sweat it.  Just be you and live for yourself first, sweet peach.

25 year old me dressing fashion age 38...at least.
25 year old me dressing fashion age 38…at least.

What a difference a decade and self-love make?
The 30’s me embraced my writing, found myself, and created my reinvention.

38 year old me dressing fashion age 25.
37 year old me dressing fashion age 25.

As I was driving home from getting my hair done, all lookin’ cute and fierce, Prince was playing on the radio, taking me back to my 80’s childhood. Then what came on next was Alanis Morrisette. I thought about driving around playing that tape after I graduated high school and had no idea what I wanted to do in life. I thought of how I love life so much more than my 18 year old self could imagine. 18 year old me would never have believed we would be pregnant and married the next year. Best things to ever happen to me though.  My hubby and oldest daughter have taught me so much.  The rainbow after the storm of my teens.  I should have saved the clothes though. They’re all coming back now.  90’s clothes and 70’s clothes, which is funny because 70’s clothes were cool in the 90’s too as I rocked some bell bottoms and tye-dyes.  I see my life through pictures and what I was wearing at what age.  I love being trendy, but also, just deciding on a look and going for it. Stay tuned to all the florals I have coming up in my vacation fashion next month. And sunglasses. I’m obsessed with them.  I did get some clothes my oldest daughter deemed “my age.”  I laughed.  Of course, I’ll trend them up with some sunnies and headbands.  Growing out the bangs is a pain.  Headbands help.  I got a silver one that reminds me of Alexis from Dynasty.  I still love the clothes and glam from that era.

So back to my outfit from today and my fashion age.  I realized I had to go to one of my kids’ schools and looked at my outfit.  My 25 year old outfit on a 37 year old.

“What is she wearing?”
“Did you see what she’s wearing?”
“A mother shouldn’t dress like that?”
“Where does she think we live?”

The old me, which ruled the roost until age 33, would have thought that people were thinking and saying these things and go into shame for wearing what I wanted.  I know people could still do that, but what my inner voice I said when I looked at my fishnets…”Oh well.”  I don’t care if people like how I dress.  If they judge me, that’s their judgement.  I played small for many years, afraid to be this chick I am now…loud and proud…wild and free…and owning it.  I love to help empower, inspire, and uplift others, even if only through what I post online.  There is lots of good stuff in my book, “Sexpot With Stretch Marks” if you want to read more from me.  If you want to find, discover, or reclaim your mojo like I did, contact me.  I work on lots of stuff with people, all of which go through a mind-body-spirit change.  I transform lives through my coaching.   It’s beautiful to be a part of.

Lesson here:
In your 20’s: Wear what you want, have fun, and love yourself.
In your 30’s: Wear what you want, have fun, love yourself fully…forgive the 20’s you.
In your 40’s: Wear what you want, have fun, love yourself completely…no for real this time.
In your 50’s: Wear what you want, have fun, love yourself unabashedly and live like it’s no longer dress rehearsal.
In your 60’s: Wear what you want, have fun, love yourself to the depth of core and do whatever the hell you want.
In your 70’s: Wear what you want, have fun, and love yourself…you don’t need anyone else’s advice.  You got this.

Instead of dressing your age, dress for your vibe.  It’s so freeing.  If you only live in sweatpants because you love comfort, rock those sweats with pride.  They do sell them with sequins on.  Just sayin’.  I own them.   Smooches!