I Would Have Been Burned At The Stake

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As I was driving to my middle son’s field trip yesterday, I had this song on repeat.  I was looking at the trees with so much love.  Truly, I can tap into to this pulse of the Universe.  This wild and ancient knowing of our true power and that of the Universe.  I’m so connected to nature.  It is a deep feeling I can’t explain really.  But as I was feeling so alive and in love with life, letting the music caress my soul, grateful I’m an entrepreneur and have the freedom to plan my life, day, and vibe.  I choose joy.  Is everything perfect in my life?  No.  But it’s pretty damn wonderful.

No makeup, just pure sunscreen and bug spray, full of happiness with my middle boy.  His trip was to Cold Spring Village in Cape May, NJ.  I have been there two other times, each on a field trip with my older two kids.  I forget everything each time, so it was new to me.  First stop was a home built in 1820.  I looked on the website and I think it’s the  Spicer-Leaming house.  We learned so much.  Like blow your mind learning.  Boys were married at 16, girls were married at 13.  Their parents choose who you would marry.  Men died at 45, women died at 35.  They often died at childbirth and disease was killing everyone off due to the uncleanliness and spread of germs. I think she said if you had 8 kids, 5 of them would die.  They didn’t name their babies until they were 9-12 months old.  Breaks my heart thinking of how much sadness that they had to deal with.  You had no freedom.  Women couldn’t even drink at the tavern.  LOL!  That was a dealbreaker for me.  I would have truly been burned at the stake.  I’m too rebellious by nature and ain’t no man gonna boss me around.  The moms and teachers were all saying how we would not have fit in then.  These women are independent and speak their minds.  My kind of gals.  Oh…and when you died, your family put your dead body on the kitchen table and put flowers around you so you didn’t stink as much.  The rotting body on the table caused many of the health problems obviously.

This guy was acting like he was a teacher back in the 1800’s. I stood outside to enjoy the sunshine with my friend, Jill. We could hear his sternness and then the kids laughed. He punished them by making one kid wear a dunce cap and another one by standing on a brick. It was to shame them. I can see how shame was so ingrained in that culture and the next two generations. Everyone was not allowed to feel. It was pretend, keep in line, be reserved. Wild was not allowed. Again, I would have been burned at the stake. I would have let my wild slip out at some point. I imagine there was no room for desire, so they had a lot of anger inside at not being allowed to be in love and make love to who they wanted. How many gay people died a regretful life having never truly loved back then?  I think about feelings, versus isn’t the carpenter exhibit cool. Although he did inspire Finn to want to be a carpenter now…for this week at least.

I got the feels for a second in the printing press seeing old newspapers and as a writer, thinking of how much freedom is created through writing. Not that I think they could write what whatever they wanted of course.  The first sign, how true is the top line!  The second part is hilarious.  The coffee sign cracked me up too.  Female writers always seemed so saucy and daring back in the day and of course…still.

press

coffee

The kids had a great day and so did I.  Hanging out with my girl, Jill, who was in our group needs to be done more often.  Duh…we talked about Prince.  I’m going to call her Princess from now on.  She’s the bees’ knees.  I got to give hugs and kisses to my friend. Christine’s daughter, Waverly.  I adore her and Christine.  I got to also hug my friend, Jaime, who I have not seen in ages.  Also, my friend Tobi who I feel like no time has passed since the field trip last year.  I was honored to get smiles and a few words from my friends Stacey, Jenny, Steffanie and a few other chicas.  Finn’s teacher, Mrs. Naplacic, is so real and funny.  That seems to be a theme around me.  I know so many fierce and fabulous women.  It’s so cool.

I had a newfound gratitude and fresh perspective on my life and how much freedom I have.  The day ended so beautifully with me putting on my bikini and heading to the beach with my hubby, kids, and meeting my fabulous photographer friend, Violet. She did my most recent photoshoot and she is not only a joy to work with, but super talented.  Just look at my website.

I took a picture of myself, her, the beach, and then my phone died and was off the grid for a few hours.  It was so freeing.  But I wish I could have shown you all the glorious blues that lit up my children’s eyes as the sun set.  It was a goosebump happy I’ll never forget.  Finn came down after his playdate on the playground.  I actually felt like a millionaire already.  I felt the riches.  I am so rich.  Whoa on the blessings for sure.  i could not have asked for more in that moment.

Serenity me

My haven

 

My beautiful blue bracelet I bought for $3.15 cents on teh field trip. I thought I just wanted to get the blue for throat chakra work as I expand my audience. But it reminds of me blue skies. To keep my head in the clouds and focused on my dreams.

 

My friend and photographer, Violet Karyn. Click blow the picture for her website.

I tried to capture her beauty and how her mirrored glasses were reflecting the blues of the sky and ocean.  She looked so dreamy!  But she clearly is the photographer.  We talked God, problems, fears, had some laughs, and prayed together.  That’s how I roll.   The link to her website is below.

Violet Karyn Photography

Here’s the badass tee I’m wearing.

My shirts which would definitely gotten me burned.
wild

Never be afraid of your wild.  It’s part of your power.  As women, it is what connects us to that force when we give birth.  You’re magic.  Be unapologetic true to you.  Have a blessed day, sweet cheeks!

P.S.  Ended the day with Skinnygirl Spicy Margaritas while watching Real Housewives and There Goes The Motherhood…cause you know…balance.  😉  A few of the moms from #TGTM were tweeting back to me so it was really fun.  They are some great moms.  Life is good.  Always look for the good.

Follow them:

https://twitter.com/stefaniefair?lang=en
https://twitter.com/resichfamily?lang=en
https://twitter.com/iambethbowen?lang=en
https://twitter.com/jpinkeb?lang=en
https://twitter.com/AlisaStarler?lang=en

Chicks let’s unite, and mind our own beeswax. Confessions from a wild mom.

Oh, the stories my kids will tell about me.
Oh, the stories my kids will tell about me.

I was talking with one of my girlfriends this week who is married and is not going to have kids. I applaud her. I love choices. I joked that I had enough for the both of us. She has an amazing business that is growing at a super speed. Being a mother is hardcore with five kids over here and add working, it’s a crazy thing people throw around that’s an illusion called “balance.” It will look different for everyone and changes by the day. Do I need a break sometimes? At least five times a week, the other two days, my hubby is off. True story.

I know of some mothers who chose to not want to be a full time mother anymore, which I wonder, without judgment, if they had any question before they had kids if they really wanted to be a mother? Make no mistake here though, children should be raised by those who will love them and if a mother is going to resent them and be cold towards them, it is not good for kids. They feel it.

I have felt drained by motherhood many times in my almost 18 years of it. I love them with all of my heart, but feel zero guilt about this. It’s real. I became a mom at age 20 and did an amazing job when I consider that as well. I learned to use that low and empty feeling as a barometer on my own mojo-life force-energy. I have to fill myself up and create my own happiness. That is not their job. Kids should not dictate our mood or vibration. I have to remind myself of this daily, but would not trade it for anything in the world. I always knew I wanted to be a mom….just didn’t know there would be so many.

I feel so blessed they chose me. I believe souls can do that. They have become my students and teachers, little secret gurus who have no idea when they hold up the mirror, I can see my shadow side and my light. Always a growth experience, this human gig. Ya know?

I write what I can always without dragging their stuff out into the world as it’s my mission to let both my best version of me out, fierce in fiery words, and grace in its holy sacred. There is always the balance between mother and woman, and yet, every woman is balancing something as we inherently come mentally equip for that. I don’t believe we have to sacrifice. We can have it all, just not everything from the buffet on one plate at the same time.

My career is important to me for my own fulfillment and I could never go back to being a stay-at-home mom exclusively. Without writing, coaching, and having a strong message to spread to the world, I wouldn’t be me.  It makes me who I am.  Being a mother is part of my core and the goddess self who expresses herself and heals others is her juxtaposition.  My kids see a woman who believes in her dreams and works for it. I have found my passions and there will be more I discover along the way. My kids will never have a “perfect” mom. But they’ll have a mom who’s alive not just in the physical sense, but that wild heart-soul deep kind. I live my truth and love to empower other women to do the same.

There is no need to keep score with other women or compete on how they live. Their business, parenting, balance, romantic life, and choices are about them. There is no us versus them. Women united equals freedom. Let them do them well and you do you well. We all win then. Focus on your garden and plant more good seeds, goddesses. Respecting others makes you even more beautiful.