Why I’m a phony?

And you are too.
What?
Blasphemy for a life coach!

Do I really believe this?

No.  I think we are all human.  I think some of us try to focus on the positive.  And if you are promoting your business, lifestyle, coaching or positioning yourself as an expert…you should have ALL your shit together.

A.  This is a perfectionist trap.
B.  This would mean you would have to live in a hut in the middle of nowhere ALONE with all your needs taken care of.

You know…conditions would have to be PERFECT.  Hahahaha!  My life in in New Jersey.  I have five kids.  They are all spirited with complex personalities.  Obviously all kids are, but most of mine are fiery.  Wonder where they get it from.  😉

Even if you are just on social media for fun, you are not being 100% authentic.  I try to be heart authentic as possible, but I’m not posting pics of my junk drawers (yes, plural) or how my bathrooms need to be cleaned. Does this mean people can’t know the real me.  The real me is ALL of it, good, babd, and ugly but lots of times I can’t post stuff related to other people in my life and it’s their business anyway.  Does it hold me back as a writer and blogger…at times yes.  Does it hold me back as a life coach, to not post all the rawness?  No, but dealing with it makes me a better life coach, as I gain more experience, wisdom, knowledge, compassion, clarity, and focus.  You should know I talk to coaches all the time and behind-the-scenes they are struggling, working on, or dealing with something they don’t post about.  They are still being authentic and not phony.  They may use filters on their photos.  I do all the time.  They use retouched photos for their ads and it’s just smart business.  Let’s let go of judging others and ourselves so harshly.  Let people own their best selves and cheer them on as they get closer to it.  I’m cheering you all on and don’t judge you for where you are now.  It’s just today.  Your future self is being created right now.

So if you think you know me from social media, just like all of us, you get a snippet of my life.  Not everyone can be in our private life. I hope you all have friends who can help you when you are going through something…because some people never let anyone in.  If you are going through relationship problems with a partner, child, parent, sibling, or friend, sometimes it’s hard to talk about as it confirms it to be real.  Or we may cry if we start talking.  I have had some really stressful things going on lately (not with the hubs so don’t even get any ideas-LOL!).  I don’t post this on social media, but I will share what I learn on the other side.  If it looks like I am a phony because I post happy things, pretty selfies, and inspiring quotes and you know in my “real life” I have what you would call “problems”…that’s on you.  I am being me in the best way I can.  Going on rants online is not my thing.  Problems are opportunities for solutions.  Just like questions are creating answers.  It’s all about perspective.   There is juice in all of it to be gained.  Be easy on yourself and others. Everyone has got some “stuff.”

I love you guys!

Wishing you all abundant success, passion, happiness, and peace wrapped up in love,
Jenny G. Perry
Mojo Expert-Life Catalyst

P.S.  If you want to set up a call to see if my coaching is right for you, go here:
My FREE telecall next Tuesday:  Self-love isn’t for sissies-How to spot your subconscious blocks and how to finally change your mind.  Register here:

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What anger can teach

sheep

I bless that mother and son. I bless me as a mom with three sons and two daughters. I bless all parents, children, and families. I bless the reactor within the mother, myself, and the reactor in us all. I bless the anger in the mother, myself, and the world.

There was angry woman who was holding her child over her shoulder while running into the bathroom as we were being seated for dinner on vacation. Hey, that could have been me if maybe the wind blew in a slightly different direction that night. She gave him a whack. All my sensors reacted and I bolted into the bathroom. (Baby on my hips, not the smartest choice but the Philly came out in me.) I just needed, on a primal level to make sure the boy was okay. Not really my business, I know, mind my beeswax. But my mind was not in this, my bones were.

When I went into the bathroom, another mother was staring at her and angry mom didn’t notice either of us. I’ve been in that haze of fury before. It felt ugly. He was maybe four years old and out of control. He hit her repeatedly and she smacked his bottom not very hard with his shorts on. Who knows if he was no exhausted, ate a ton of sugar, or underlying issues? I also had noticed cultural differences as another woman the day before who spoke with a foreign accent gave her son a whack right out out on the open (not a bare bum, but over his shorts). She said, “Disgusting!” with pure meanness in her voice. I have boys, so nothing shocks me there but I do get pissed when they say certain things…especially at the wrong time.

That mother in the bathroom had her hands full. I wanted to help. I wanted to help the version of me that is her, where I feel helpless, mad, and out of control. In that situation, I did feel that. I left the bathroom feeling uneasy. I had some judgment from my family that I didn’t need. I have no regret. I will be someone who will pray and come from the highest place, but if my insides push me to try to protect or help, I will. Did what I do solve anything or help in any way? No. But I pray for peace, in her, in me, in the world. I couldn’t have sat at dinner not knowing if he was being beaten.

What I learned about myself on my vacation were many things. I react. I try to control. I want to be close to people and one side cannot decide this. I am not in charge of helping everyone or is it desired by them. I’m not afraid to look within, be seen as wrong, or to not fit in. Time and freedom are major gifts. Fun is underrated. Anger is really easy and really toxic, but can also be a catalyst to figure out what you really want. Life is too short for bullshit and following your dreams and creating your own happiness is the prize. Many are seeking something opposite of this without realizing it. I really can be happy in many settings by my focus on gratitude. My thoughts and focus are superpowers. Awareness is even more heightened after I reset my every day normal by going away on vacation. Clarity is a feeling and not a list written of goals or to-do’s. I will focus more and distract less. Energy is my creative force and I will truly step up and live my truth and fullest potential.

m☮msz, let go.0f thi$ craP & youll B happier

beingwrong

 

I purposefully did this with all the grammar mistakes because this leads into the first one on the list. I remember someone calling me out on my first typos online and I felt so embarrassed…like the dream where you show up naked to school.  I know I’m sure I will give the grammar police a slight twitch when they read this, but perfect writing is overrated.  I like heart.  Yes, decent grammar is a must, but as an author, I drove myself nuts at times trying to figure out the rules and realizing there is always an exception to the rule.  I think of myself as an exception to the rule and know, whenever I generalize as I tell my truth, there will be an exception to the rule.  I pissed off a few people on Twitter a few days ago with my blog on the Huffington Post titled Sex, Violence, & Weight.  I don’t like the porn industry.  I stand by that.  I love naked art though.  Totally different vibe to me.  I am sure there are kind people who are happy in porn and mean people who are unhappy in nude paintings.  But I like having an opinion on some things.  It’s part of my fierce.  Feel free to weigh in on the comments.  I like to open my mind and heart more daily while staying true to me. These are a few things I let go of and became much happier.  Start your own list.  I bet you’ve let go of some stuff too.

 

1. Mrs. Faketastic: That being perfect, polished in every way (even writing), or always looking cool act. Feeling like I ever have to put on a show in life or be fake is no bueno. I used to pretend a lot. I don’t like BS anymore. I love authenticity. I know I will look foolish, stupid, crazy, or like an idiot to someone at some point. In my twenties, I wanted to be liked and fit in. Then I realized my spirit would die inside if that was my motivation  in life. Not my spirit, like in my soul, but as in my inner fire. Truth is, I drank a lot at times because I NEVER felt comfortable or like I belonged. It’s like alien syndrome. (That would make another blog for sure.)  I always felt like I was one stupid sentence (a strong opinion or heartfelt share) away from a friendship ending. This is where I became good at the chameleon. I was and still am good at being a chameleon, only nowadays the gig is up, cause peeps can read my stuff and I let my woo-woo-fire-goddess out on paper and the internet. They see me.  No hiding. I love taking selfies and I ain’t afraid to post ’em with some kickass words of mine.  It’s part of my life’s purpose to share my wisdom in teaching through many mediums.  Mrs. Faketastic would never get the beautiful messages I get from people who tell me I have helped them by sharing my journey through words. Being me has become the most freeing and fulfilling lifestyle.  Do I still get uncomfortable sometimes?  Yes, I am human.  It’s part of my process I think.  New friends always replaced the ones that my flavor was too much or not enough.   You will see some people fade out of your life and you will feel like an ass at times when you live your full truth, but Mrs. Faketastic always ends up miserable in her own story and the dorky free spirit next door in the 80’s movies always triumphs anyway.

 

2. Craft-o-matic-Mom of Pinterestland: You probably know her. She is often a shade of blond or at least has highlights, that pretty bitch!  Just kidding…totally. I actually have artsy-crafty-magical friends that range from very blonde to a few very dark raven-haired beauties.  They are sweethearts who don’t do it for show, it’s who they are. I love seeing how they come up with their magic. I would have felt small next to them in my twenties. I wouldn’t have known where to put myself, like what value did I have, or bring to the friendship. This led to hot glue gun and rhinestone phases, salivating over beads as I made earrings, a homemade Barbie cake, and sewing various things. I am just not that person, but I love art and crafting. Just some peeps have gifts. I am not good at crocheting. I’m okay with this. I can cook like a mofo. I do things with love now, not a need to be anything. And I so had a Pinterest fail with cupcakes last Halloween, but I made an adorable preggo Leopard so I had fun and my kids thought the cupcakes with melted marshmallow fluff still looked cool. I was never doing anything 100% for the kids anyway back then, it was for the moms and to feel good about myself. There was 10% fun in the artsy fartsy endeavors, which is way too low. This kind of stuff activated the competition in my earlier time in MomWorld that I did not like. We can all win at being us.  Being a good mom (whatever that means and I have let go of that one too…okay, I haven’t but I’m trying) is about love and doesn’t have anything to do with other parenting styles.  Many of them all work fine and kids turn out semi-normal.

 

3. FOMO-ism: I suffered from this at birth until I swear just a few years ago. I just found out about this acronym and I LOVE it! Fear Of Missing Out. Story of ma life (said which Cali Valley girl accent) cause with being an avid 90210 girl in the 90’s I wanted to be that “it” girl who never missed out. Things revolved around her. She was never the tagalong. She was Queen Bee. Everyone loved her (well, they fear her too), but it seemed so awesome to never be left behind. She was validated, accepted, approved of, but she was actually the teenage version of Mrs. Faketastic. Whenever there was a party, event, opportunity, new acquaintance to a circle, or some cool thing, I wanted to be on it and a part of it. Why? Because I believed in a lack-full Universe that only has so much, versus an abundant one where there are many ships coming in. The Law of Attraction taught me that gem, to focus on what I want and how I wasted A LOT of energy on stupid stuff. I think of my twenties and early thirties as part of me still stuck in middle school.  It was even seeping into my parenting.  If my kid didn’t do that activity, he/she wouldn’t be cool or as far along as others.  When I couldn’t afford a program, I’d convince myself it that it wasn’t worth it either or I’d beat myself up.  Now with five kids, I don’t force activities on them anyway.  I don’t believe in passing along keeping up with the Joneses.  I learned every family has a different dynamic that works for them, with different priorities and judging them takes too much time and energy…but especially my life force-mojo-spirit and I’d rather focus on higher consciousness than whose doing what and how I classify it.

 

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